.:varyiar:. ~the raindrops~

Monday, August 09, 2004

"Now That I See"

      Hello all. Nothing new on V.1 SPORK FIGHT.

      Found out why FFXI won't work. Got video card, comp cant read it, Square Enix co., XFX Geforce co., and Sony even said that it wouldn't work, because, of some shitty crap when ya hit F8 on the start up, it should come up and have a tab that says 'video' but we dun got it, so it won't work, how sad. So mom's gonna love me and give me a new computer soon, once she has money, in over 3 months tho, so we'll have to rebuy FFXI.

      Eh, so, that's all. Mom started her new job today, Jenna cussed out my mom randomly yesterday, so yeah. I feel retarded talking to Jenna about my idea of marriage---though it's been like a few weeks, I've known her since I was 14, so it counts, k? Friend Charles says wait til 25, but 25's too fucking old, and please, who around here anymore gets married at 25?!!!? No one I know. Well, I turn 19 next May, and Jenna'll be 18 December 14th, so, I dunno.

      Anyhow, I made this:

Now That I see, Today,
Nothing will wilt away,
I am so strong in love,
I think that I'm gone.

I am so in love, with her,

That I would kill for her,

But she seems to know this,
And loves this,
Her attention for me is so great and so lovable,
I love her.

Now that I see, I can breathe,
Now that I know I am,
And can be,
For I'm in love again,
With something greater.

I am so in love, with her,

That I would bow to her,

But she sees this, I know,

And she respects me.

I am so in love now,

I would of never guessed her.

But I was wrong,

And she was strong.

Now That I see this,

I can believe this tonight,

I am in love again,

With something stronger.

I am not strong at all,

I would give in to it all.

But I know her, it all,

She loves me so, I am so loved.

For it all goes around and comes back,
For when the wind blows i know I'm exact.
I love her so much again and I won't give up now,
Because she's the one for me and I know this how?

I just had this feeling, like I needed her.

Like I loved her so,

But she loves me, oh, and I love her so..

Now That I see this,

I can believe this now,

again,

Now that I know, I can go,

And sing to it all,

I am so in love now,

I would of never guessed her.

But I was wrong,

And she was strong.

Now That I see this,

I can believe this tonight,

I am in love again,

With something stronger.

I am not strong at all,

I would give in to it all.

Well, it's true, so there's nothing bad to say. Just some asshole who makes up weird shit and poems and writes them down and puts them here. I have a few others. Lemme find them.

My life is a life that no one loves.
The love is a hope that no one cares.
It drowns and it falls and doesn't live long.

In the shape of a dove, love turns around.
And the life I live seems to drown.
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth anything.
I could have sworn I could have traded it in.

People are cruel, mean, selfish people.
I don't feel like I'm worthy enough for myself.
And people just sit and they laugh at me.
I wonder if love could help me.

But no, it shatters on me.
I will never have a life, a full grown life.
As long as my short life desires.
But then when something goes wrong,
I'm not sure what to do.

And I cry and want to hold onto someone.
There's no one near to hold onto.
And I feel like bearing it in.
I cannot allow what my emotions say.
I left them slip by and I cry everyday.

For the love of all sake is now gone,
And everyone seems to hate me,
No matter who I am, if I am,
Or I'm not,
I'm just gone.

For if nothing was better than me.
And if everything was better than me.
I would be happy, but no.
I'm not, quiet sad at that.

I feel lost and without a companion.
When the nerves seems to hit you,
You think twice about things,
And where I think I'm going,
May be wrong.

In the shape of a heart, love turns around.
In the light shining window, all falls down.
The darkness comes in and devours within,
And I'm helpless by all I can see.
Let the guards help us all, let us see, not to fall.

For I'm begging for all to see.
I am down when I'm weak,
And I cannot help all,
But I try, oh how I try.

I love people too much, give into them so,
And when they rip me to shreads,
I go numb and I cry and I sit and I die.
But I still sit there and love them to death.
Is this like wanting to be tormented?

Killed inside? Wanting to hide from your other side?
Maybe not so, but I hope you all know,
That it hurts when you're torn to shreads.
It happens so much that I know not to cry,
But I do because it hurts all inside,

And though I am not smart, wonderful, or handsome,
I may do the most idiotic things around,
And I try to be pleasing,
But all are decieving,
And again, it hurts all inside.

I'm depressed today. Lol, I wanna see if I have other poems, if not, you'll see more text in red like this, lol. Of course, no shit.

I stand, but there's not sence to.
For when I do, I fall,
So deep, into your arms.
And when I'm caught,
I'm torn apart,

There is no such love, as yours.
Though when I sit, I have the need to stand,
Because you have followed me,
Through your loving grace,
Of all I can see.

Though, I cannot live without poured blood.
Spill it, drain it, fall to the ground.
Let your knees weaken in your angst,
Settle down in all the hatred of this world.

I ask myself, sometimes, if I'm alive.
If I should even care, if I'm locked out from this world.
I need that one word to say yes,
And if I get a yes, all will be free.

I stand, but there's not sence to.
For when I do, I fall,
So deep, into your arms.
And when I'm caught,
I'm torn apart,

There is no such love, as yours.
I need the blood to spill,
Spill it now, let me drown,
Just die in your laughter,
I am not living for you,
I am in my world of all.

Some things I have to live with,
And most I will have to deal with,
But if I could, I would mistake you,
And kill you for that simple thing.

I am tarnished of your words,
And following my soul,
I'm not sure where to go,
But when I go somewhere,
I will find out what I'm doing.

Though, I cannot live without poured blood.
Spill it, drain it, fall to the ground.
Let your knees weaken in your angst,
Settle down in all the hatred of this world.

I ask myself, sometimes, if I'm alive.
If I should even care, if I'm locked out from this world.
I need that one word to say yes,
And if I get a yes, all will be free.

Ok, well, obviously I found another poem because here's text. You can see I'm ... not very good, but it's the only way I get emotions out. Yeah, poems, that I suck out, how sad, I will never be a writer. Only an artist. God, I suck. ;_____; anyhow, yes, I found that (AHH!! INDIGESTION!!!) background picture from www.blog7.blogdrive.com so dont think I made the picture, I admit it, lol, I just liked it, full credit goes to Idosysysdesigns or whoever they are. lol, kk, well, thats all, so, later.

Later.

Mitch

Posted at 02:35 pm by vavyiar
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Saturday, August 07, 2004

I hate FFXI

Ok, I got FFXI offa ebay, 20 bucks, k? Well, got it today. Well, come to find out, after 3 months of not playin it, ya gotta go and rebuy the thing because the registration thing is killed on ya, so 20 bucks for nothing, right?

Yeah, so I go and pay 52 bucks, for the stupid registrator number thing, .... SICK.... So, now I get it to work, but takes it 3 hours to update, and then when I'm SO CLOSE to playing it, 'POP. YOU CANNOT PLAY. ERROR. CANNOT REACH SERVER. YOUR HDD THING IS DEAD. GO SEE YOUR CRAPPY SETTINGS.' so, I reinstalled it all together, and currently doing updates again, ... how mad am I....

Later.
Miz.

Posted at 12:21 am by vavyiar
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Friday, August 06, 2004

The Story Behind It All

         Nothing's new on V.1 SPORK FIGHT, just updated the Forum to the page, and re-designed it all, I suppose it's okay, I need a really really good free-webhosting plan thingy site thing. God, I'm depressed. Will work on site later. I wanted to write a lot more than I do, so here. Lol. The below entry has all the info on V.1 SPORK FIGHT. LINK IS TO THE SIDE.

<~~~~~~ Over there

_____

        Back to reality. Rather than wasting my time wishing 2 woman would just fight and so I could record it, post it online, so everyone could have their fights, it's like making a site for WW-something and not having the fight ever happening. I dunno why Sandy can't accept that I have a girlfriend, it makes me want to cry, I don't even think she's jealous and possessive of me. I just think she's trying to tear me from Jenna so that she can listen to me complain and moan. Luckily, I won't let anyone tear her from me but myself and/or Jenna, due to if she's happy, and of course she is. The whole story is very very sad behind her. Well, I'll tell you anyhow. Jenna grew up in an abusive town in NJ, and with her parents, both pretending she was dead and never exsisted, well, when she was old enough, maybe eight, to move out and stay over her friends house to never be there, she did, and when she would return home for a night when her friend became mad at her, she was abused, and hit with anything her father could find. (It's sad to have sex, and then go, 'um, ... why are you scarred up?' and then them just saying, 'I'll tell you later.) Later, she got into drugs, and had a miserable life than she already had.

        So, she was moving from friend-to-friend's house. When I was 14 and was outside at my friend Jeffery's house in Rancocas, NJ, (no offence, but a very african american place there... I've only seen 3 white people in that town.. Excluding my friends.) At the moment I'm 18, and living with my little sister, Jill, who's turning 13 on the 12th. Well, my friends told me to go to the store around the corner and go get some snacks and crap for them, so I headed around the corner. I saw the store, and was in a whole nother world, and ran into Jenna. She told me that she was sorry for running into me and asked what I was doing while she was talking to me. I told her how my friends told me to go get some snacks for them. So, she asked if she could hang out with me and my friends after we introduced each other. (Jenna Myers and Mitchell Kay). Jenna seemed to be nice, and so, my friend Emily said that she had offered to take Jenna home and let her stay there, since Jenna said that her parents would not give a fruck (yes, fruck.) if she moved out or anything, since she had quiet some times before. Actually, she cried and begged us to take her home, I told her I would, but mom wouldn't let me, (I'm not saying Jenna's an animal... lol) but Emily could... --- girl thing. Men have dicks. lol.

       Then, she lived with my friend Emily at the time, the only person besides me she had made friends with. Also, mom wouldn't allow a girl in the house to stay while I was at that age, 14, heh.. So, Emily's mother let her stay there. 2 years later, Jenna called me and asked if she could come live with me because Emily was being an asshole and made her move out, so, I asked mom and with Jenna with nowhere to go, mom couldn't have refused, so, she let Jenna live with us. Here and there she would visit home, and Jenna began to seem to... just, chase me, to say. Began cuddling and snuggling with me, which is fine by me, but at the time I was confused of why she was acting so nice, though she had beaten up almost everyone of my friends and including myself once. So, a few times within over a year, she had asked me out, and drug me to the bedroom and tried to french kiss me twice. So, that made me pretty mad and told Jenna she could no longer stay at the house, which mom got mad at me for, and was even madder at Jenna because she had almost wanted to rape me, lol, and so, Jenna called Emily and lived with her again.

         Afterwards, 2 years later, which now I'm 18, and it happened like a month ago, Emily had called me and told me that Jenna was willing to come back, and that Emily herself had seen that Jenna had changed and became a very nice willing person. (Which meant Jenna DID change if EMILY saw it...) At the time, I told mom that I was going to move out when I turned 18, and mom bought me an actual house (which I'm in now, lol) for my birthday, I was wondering why I only got 1 game for my birthday. So, I moved into it, and everyone in the family had submitted old and not needed stuff from their houses to mine, like a fridge, and tables, couches, an extra bed... (I'm loved.) Entertainment center, all for me... and my sister. (To make a long story short, mom came to me when I was 6 and told me, 'either take Jill and raise her and teach her everything... or I'm going to give her to another family.' mom told me later 'another family' meant that she would kill Jill.) So after years of abuse, I moved out. (Not to me, to Jill. I'm the 'star child.' Mom wanted 2 boys and got Jill... got mad...)

         So, I was single at the time, just had been heartbroken by my ex, who had cheated on me, like always, I realized what Emily had said. Jenna is a dedicated lover, she really is, she just rushed me and threw me over the edge and so, I told her off. So, I called Emily's house and I asked for Jenna. Jenna answered and I told her that I would willingly let her move back in, (Jill and Jenna used to get along fine.) if she would go out with me. Jenna screamed and almost orgasmed on the phone in excitment and said 'YESSS...' (ok, maybe didn't orgasm, but, ... yeah...) So, here we are now, but, my ex ex ex, Kim, says that I should wait for sex, because I just started going out with her, but, why? When I know so much about Jenna and how she is? So we had sex already. lol, and now everyone hates me. But, who cares? Virginity is for losers. lol...

         Last thing. Jenna told me after sex, that she was planning on killing herself the day I met her, and because she had found a really strong relationship and friendship with me, she decided to continue her life, and stopped drugs, and what she told me is, is that she 'chased me' because she wanted to make a good relationship that would last a long time, and be really strong, so that it would be easier to go out with me, y'know? Sounds a little frucked up, but I understand it now. I love her to death. It's sad it's only been a few weeks, god, I love her to death, I'd marry her if I could, but I can't, too soon. lol, plus promised mom not to get married til I was 20, so... that sucks. But anyhow..

I'm out. I wrote alot. Yay.

Later.
Mitch---

Posted at 12:56 pm by vavyiar
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V.1 SPORK FIGHT UPDATES

Friday, August 6th, 2004.
_________________________

Yes, ... YESSS, It's a miracle or however that's spelled. Yes it is, the site is up! And almost done! We only need Sandy to come visit me and the war will break out---- JENNA VS. SANDY, or, so called, SPORK VS. DARK ARTS, lol. But we call it V.1 SPORK FIGHT for fun, considering we all know Jenna would win, scroll down to last entry for the link, it's also in my profile to the left.

<~~~~~~ over there.

Yeah, so, nothing really new is on Spork Fight, and we got the Forum, Guestbook, and stuff up, including the real plan of V.1 SPORK FIGHT, but we call the whole site that, lol. Doesn't matter. So, at the moment, the bets are placed at:

JENNA:
Myself: $50

Waleed: $30

Sarah: $20
Charlie: $10 (if she wins)

SANDY:
NO ONE: $0

So I think we all can see who's going to win this. Pick either a 98 pound gothic chick or a 187 pound ex-cheerleader wiccan. I'd pick the first. lol, well, by gothic, I mean the 'our style gothic', meaning without the whole wiccan thing, no offence, but wiccans scare me. lol. I have no idea what Jenna is... religiously.... Catholic? Everyone in Bordentown, NJ is. lol.

So, that's wherethe fight is at the moment.

______

As for today, I just woke up 2 hours ago, and it's 9:22AM, I looked at the clock and I'm like, 'HOLY SHIT, I'VE SLEPT ALL DAY!!' So that wasn't fun having a heart attack over that. Ya know, I'm very hungry. lol, STILL listening to frucking Radiohead's Sit down, Stand Up. lol, I swear I'm stuck on that. I listen to songs 7 hours a day, for 2 weeks in a row straight, lol, and never get bored of them.

THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE OBSESSION COMPLUSIVE DISORDER...
AND IT SUCKS, IT MAKES ME FREAK OUT, LIKE A PARANOID SQUIRREL.

Anyhow... That's about all, will be working on the site all day pretty much, so, yeah. That's all.

Later, and cast your votes and bets!!!

Mitch----

PS. Once William Hung became famous, I made this: My girlfriend Jenna mocking me...

Posted at 09:24 am by vavyiar
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Thursday, August 05, 2004

FIGHT OF THE CEN-MONEY-THING

Lol, .... fight to be between Jenna and Sandy! Place your bets in the comment and with your name and I'll post it! Thanks!

~SPORK VS. DARK ARTS~

Posted at 08:05 pm by vavyiar
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Not Much

Hello all. Jenna says hi, nothing's new, going with me mum to pick out frames for her glasses because she has no creative talent for that. Lol.

Sit down, stand up
Sit down, stand up
Walk into the jaws of hell (sit down, stand up)
Walk into the jaws of hell (sit down, stand up)
Anytime (sit down)
Anytime (stand up)
Sit down, stand up
Sit down, stand up
We can wipe you out anytime (sit down, stand up)
We can wipe you out (sit down, stand up)
Anytime (sit down)
Anytime
Stand up (the rain drops the rain drops)
Sit down (the rain drops the rain drops)
Oh
The rain drops [x46]

I love that song. Lol. Er, I really have no idea why, but I do. I owe it all to Psycho Bunny on Newgrounds, go check it out. I dont have the link, but it rocks nonetheless. Yeah, so, I'm gonna go talk to Jenna and then go and go with my mom.... (hehe, we goin to Walmart and goin bra shoppin for Jenna.. hehe... heh... hehehehehe.. hehhhh.. lol, ok, sorry.)

Later.

Mitch.

Posted at 02:57 pm by vavyiar
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Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Now back to today

Well, back to August 4th. lol, everything below was from an old blog, but was all recent, so yeah. My life.

Nothing really new happened today. Well... Nope... Besides Jenna (my girlfriend) pissed off my dad at a diner we were at. He wanted to meet Jenna and I went to get up and go pee and Jenna kissed me, grabbin onto me, (heh, I kissed back, of course.) And then when I asked Jenna to try some of her food, which looked really good, I went to go get some wid my fork, but Jenna dropped my fork, got hers, put some food on it, and stuffed it in my mouth, lol. Dad just sighed, got up, and went outside. lol. How nice. Eh, Jenna said this was the convo dad and her had when I was peeing:

Dad: So yeah.... uh, so you're dating Mitchell?

Jenna: Yep.

Dad: Yeah.

Jenna: Lovable.

Dad: M'yeah.

Jenna: Yep.

Dad: So, uh, I was gonna ask Mitch if he wanted to go to the beach, would you care to come?

Jenna: Nope.

Dad: K.

Jenna: Mitch'll say no.

Dad: Figures.

Jenna: Yep.

Yeah, so that's pretty much their chat. lol, Nothing fun to do, so I'm gonna go and do something fun, feel free to IM me, or sign the guestbook, BEWARE THE COUNTER STALKS YOU.
Later.
Mitch

Posted at 11:44 pm by vavyiar
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Hello all.

Hello all,

.... I am crying and sad, and if mom reads this, I hope she fucking understands me... cause she doesnt, and now, I am completely against online dating, I'm sorry. Me and Charlie had a chat:

BlackedChain: who cares
BlackedChain: im upset
BlackedChain: mom went again and ruined my life
BlackedChain: first my fuckin dad
BlackedChain: now my mom
charlie: online datin?
BlackedChain: yep
BlackedChain: only
BlackedChain: my dad went and dated some abusive hippie
BlackedChain: and ruined that side of me
BlackedChain: but my mom-----she's online dated and met the person 5 times
BlackedChain: and every fuckin time, the person comes out wrong
charlie: well...
BlackedChain: thats why i was in alabama
BlackedChain: all cause of some asshole
charlie ugh
BlackedChain: and i couldnt live wid my dad
charlie: well -- your 18 now
BlackedChain: yeah
BlackedChain: but
BlackedChain: ...
BlackedChain: .... it hurts me, cause im a jealous asshole, and because she's not gonna find anyone like that
charlie: well -- she has to learn for self
BlackedChain: ugh
BlackedChain: and i forget his s/n
BlackedChain: so i cant look him up
BlackedChain: and mom changed her password on me
BlackedChain: never ONCE has she done that
BlackedChain: even when she yelled at me for it
charlie well
BlackedChain: ......
BlackedChain: *sad*
charlie: **hug**
BlackedChain: eh
BlackedChain: brb
BlackedChain: ;_____;
charlie: ey
BlackedChain: ;_________;
BlackedChain: *sniff*
charlie: what now?
BlackedChain: mom just called and said it's her fuckin life and there aint shit i can do and to leave me outta everything
BlackedChain: that she wont tell me nothing anymore
BlackedChain: ......
charlie: awww
BlackedChain: ya know that hurts when ya grow up 18 years of extreme love
charlie: huh?
BlackedChain: cause she's barely ever hurt me emotionally, only when it comes to jill
BlackedChain: ive always been loved to death by her
BlackedChain: and then NOW she starts up
BlackedChain: just cause im outta the house
charlie: well-- she may have snaped
BlackedChain: she thinks that her and dad dont stand a chance and that theres nothin she can do alone, so she takes it off, and she said, 'well, actually, when i AM single, ive only been single for 2 months in my whole dating life.'
BlackedChain: she cant fuckin live without a guy
BlackedChain: so she goes online
BlackedChain: and that pisses me off
BlackedChain: every fuckin time, it's either, he's ugly, he's an abuser, he cheats, whatever
charlie: yeah...
BlackedChain: and now shes just leavin me outta everything
BlackedChain: like im dead.
charlie: well -- i dont know what to say
BlackedChain: im snottty
BlackedChain: *snotty
BlackedChain: lol
charlie: lol
charlie: yeah -- thats you
BlackedChain: just some asshole whos been loved by his mum for too long, and who cries too much
charlie: lol - you
BlackedChain: hope that asshole of a guy ends up... ... .. just... hurtin my mom emotionally
BlackedChain: real bad
BlackedChain: so she'll understand
BlackedChain: that what i told hers true, IT DOESNT WORK FOR HER
BlackedChain: and she said, 'well, IT'S GOTTA.'
BlackedChain: im like, 'ya dont always meet the perfect person ONLINE.'
charlie: nope
BlackedChain: 'go out and do something! meet someone!'
BlackedChain: she's like, 'but i have no one to meet...'
BlackedChain: so i just walked away
BlackedChain: i dun think she likes me. ;___;
charlie: no -- she's just hittin mid life crises
BlackedChain: god i just wanna hit her, am i the only one in the fuckin family who sees that both my parents are complete idiots
BlackedChain: dad doesnt realize that his relationship is abusive
BlackedChain: and mom only thinks she can online date
charlie: well...

I hate my mom.

Well, that's all. I'll go cry now. ;___;

Later,
Me.

Posted at 11:38 pm by vavyiar
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Argh

Beginning of Day:

SANDY FOUND OUT. Yay, now I don't have to break the news. Yay. .... *glare*
... maybe she's reading.
MAYBE SHE'S EATING MY BRAINS.
HOW DOES SHE KNOWS!?!?!

... cool.

awesome.
she's eating my brains.

Later.

Mitch

Posted at 11:38 pm by vavyiar
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Owned Still

Today is Sunday, in a month, YEEESS.

GUESS WHAT. I JUST HAD SEX. YESSSSS.. Lol.... But, ... plus everyones gonna be mad, now that i think about it, mom'll find out and be pissed, sandy'll find out and hate me and think i just fucked her and got her pregnant, and then my dad'll make a speech about it, but my aunt'll be proud.. Yeah, but, that's about all that's new, lol... And I just woke up, and it's like 3:12AM. How sad.

I LOVE YOU ALL!

OWNED,

Mitch

Posted at 11:37 pm by vavyiar
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